Sunday 21 November 2010

Shake 'em up G

Gerard! I'm Home.

Shit. That slack fucker finished early.

 I got some Gin. I thought we could make Earl Gray Martinis and watch Entourage

Gerard? What the..........................................................

THIS! Wait. I can explain EVERYTHING.

Sunday 24 October 2010

Gerard: Salacious Sciuridae

Yeah. Yeah, Oh that's real nice


Uh huh, that's it. Nice and slow, mmmmmmmh

You like that don't you bitch? You big greedy soft mouthed slut, oh yes you do.

 What's that? You want to join in too, Yeah, I've got enough wood for all of you


I used to make Princesses dreams come true

Sunday 3 October 2010

Gerard: Morning Mint Run

Blink. Blink.Unnnnnnnng. Itchy, itchy eye

cccuamp ccuamp. Mouth oh so dry

Hung to the over. What the hell happened last night?

 You went drinking with some Coatis. I fervently advised against such action

Rim my hot parched hole, Wilde. Coatis? Those filthy Mexican bandits. I bet they pissed in my Babysham!

May I make the simple suggestion of mints?

Mints! Fuck yeah. Mints are what i need. I need their minty healing powers. I'm off to the shops

 Yeah. Totally going to get mints

Quick, quick, we'll take a short cut throught the Pampas Grass

Cunter. Forgot my wallet

Yes. Yes. Yes. This time nothing can stop me getting my elixir in minty form

Wahoo. Totally knew we could gallop up that tree. I think we should wait here. At least until my sphincter stops dancing

To be continued....perhaps.

Denial: An indispensable survival tool

You wake up in the morning and patter to the kitchen to get a glass of water but, alas, you are thwarted. What kind of fuckery has manifested in your kitchen? You stare in disbelief, you look away, you look back, nope, still to freakish to comprehend at any hour. 

You close your eyes and give them a good rub and then open them slowly, one at a time. It's still there. You start wondering how you managed to ingest such a large quantity of MDMA on your way to the kitchen. 

You look at your boyfriend whose face doesn't even flicker with guilt, confusion or concern. You turn around and go back to bed praying that it has all been a hideous hallucination and vow never to mention it again because there is just no explicable reason as to why your boyfriend is washing gherkins in the sink. No, no, you read that correctly, WASHING GHERKINS.